Updated: Jun 16, 2020
I don’t believe relationships ever really end.
They are an energetic system.
And as we know from physics, energy is always transforming and moving in and out of form.
Even as one passes from the physical into the non-physical, a relationship can flourish if both consciously choose to remain connected.
The only time a relationship becomes 'toxic', and therefore we make the choice to 'end' it, is when we don’t allow (and control) the relationship dynamic from taking its natural organic evolving course.
And the only reason we would use the word 'toxic' is because it has become inauthentic.
The benefit however to remaining in an inauthentic relationship is to give us a sense of safety and connection (unknowingly false) about what the world is and how we work in it. It keeps us in the zone of comfort. This works, until it doesn't.
This inauthenticity in an outer relationship is simply a reflection of the inauthenticity within ourselves and the call to expand and grow, which usually has a degree of uncomfortableness :)
This is the idea behind understanding non-attachment and the importance of letting go of control. In this space we can allow ourselves to grow outside of 'toxicity', outdated labels, patterns, beliefs and bias.
It's also important not to judge the 'toxicity', and I would argue it's a pretty harsh term that some project on others instead of reflecting within of their own 'toxic' and unconscious patterns.
There isn't anyone to blame, this is simple evolution moving from unconscious to conscious.
It is true that sometimes we need to completely remove ourselves from 'toxic' relationships in order to see from a distance our role in it. And to be able to do the work to heal and RE member our authentic nature. From this new space, we may realize that staying physical distance from the relationship serves our new self best, or we may be able to establish a more authentic connection moving forward. I use the word 'physical' distance, because I believe we truly are always connected as one. This is where I believe in destiny. When we clear our own 'toxic' nature, we become a source of divine love within this web of life.
The reason a relationship dynamic (and this is often the significance of 1st Family) can get to this level of 'toxicity' is often because of unconscious behaviours and the ‘labels’ holding us to a specific role. Labels can often give us this idea that we think we really know who the other is. We overlay past conditioning, patterns and unconscious bias to the roles which ends up keeping us in a labelled 'safe' well controlled box.
The roles becomes so solid, non fluid to our evolving selves and we stunt our growth.
With labels we don’t give space to listen, reflect, unlearn and re learn about the person along the way, even each day. In the space of control and labels we constrict and kink ourselves and make up lies to ‘not disappoint’ or shake up the outer reality.
In the process and over time the relationship becomes conditional and inauthentic 'toxic'.
The straddle of the inner and outer becomes wider and unstable.
It becomes exceedingly uncomfortable as a result to the dissonance of inner and outer, and our integrity and authentic nature are hindered.
What if the only reason a relationship transforms to a ‘death’ or (perceived end) is because we can no longer straddle the divide of dissonance, we can no longer remain connected physically.
What if our destiny is to return to our true nature. Divine Love.
What if we realize we are never truly separate.
I was inspired to write the piece above after reading through the chapters on Chakras 1-3 in 'Anatomy of the Spirit' by Caroline Myss and doing deeper in work on my relationship to myself.
I read it as EP 22 Podcast: Speak From the Root